Grief is a universal experience encompassing physical, emotional, social, and cognitive reactions to the loss of a loved one. When mourning a pet, one undergoes distinct stages of grief. Each individual’s journey through these phases is unique to them, following non-linear pathways. Recognizing and honouring your pet is challenging, but crucial as you move through these stages. Developing a toolbox of coping strategies is essential for self-aid and to honour your pet effectively. To support your journey through the 5 stages of pet loss grief, read on for an outline of these stages and helpful ways to better process your grief, establish coping strategies, and honour your pet.
The bond with a pet, rooted in non-judgemental connection and love, is truly unique in individual experience. It is vital to understand that there is no predetermined timeline or linear path for experiencing grief phases or how long one stays in each phase.
Shock and Denial
A typical primary reaction to the loss of a pet is shock or denial manifesting through thoughts like “This can’t be real”, or “This isn’t happening”. This reaction is completely natural as the nervous system is processing not only the news of your pet passing, but also the emotional and physical response being felt in your body!
This stage may elicit numbness, disorganized thoughts, feeling unaffected, thinking about suicide, being euphoric or hysterical, ‘out of body’ sensations, being over-talkative, hyperactivity or passiveness.
A searching or yearning stage may intensify feelings of missing your pet with dreams or sensations of seeing or hearing them. Understanding that denial is a process that helps to make survival possible in managing the grief of losing a pet is crucial. It allows for a slower pace for distilling the feelings of grief and later accepting the reality of the loss to begin the healing process.
Anger
During the anger phase, individuals seek someone or something to blame, sometimes directing anger or guilt at themselves. Thoughts of what could have been different, what would have happened if you had not or had done something to prevent a specific event, etc.
Other feelings experienced during this phase may be sadness, fear, and irritability. Due to the wanting to blame, the anger felt may not be directed at the loss of the pet, but toward a family member, veterinarian, friend, higher power or specific subject that was involved in the loss. Due to this, there may be physical sensations that accompany the emotional dysregulation that is felt from the loss. Some people may experience physical pain, illness, weight change/change in appetite, and fatigue. It is important to express these emotions and sensations to those around you to begin to process the anger.
Finding outlets to channel the anger will prevent it from bottling up, which may lead to prolonged experience in the anger stage. Activities like exercise like boxing, wrestling, powerlifting, and general workouts help to release the anger in a healthier way. In having a physical outlet for the anger, it is important to have an emotional and psychological outlet as well.
Utilizing guided meditation for grief and loss has been found beneficial for refocusing the mind and slowly providing guidance out of the anger stage.
20 Minute Mindfulness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIr3RsUWrdo
Bargaining and Distracting
The bargaining phase is a common phase that occurs during the grief and loss process. This phase provides a temporary escape from the sensations of grief that have been experienced throughout the phases. It is common to create distractions that allow a disconnect, preventing the processing of the loss of the pet. However, this can prolong the stages as many people have gained comfort in ignoring the processing of their loss, and instead have decided to focus on other projects or events as a way to protect them from their experienced emotions.
During this stage, you may need support or reminders that there is nothing that can bring your pet back to you. Though this is a challenging reality, which has made bargaining and distracting an easy choice for people, finding a support group or connecting with friends or family members can help in beginning to accept your loss and refocus on the reality of the situation.
Ontario Pet Loss – https://ontariopetloss.org/
Ontario Veterinary College – https://pettrust.uoguelph.ca/petlossresources
Depression
Known as one of the most visible or apparent stages in the grieving process, depression typically occurs once the reality of the loss sets in. During this stage people can experience a lack of motivation, isolation, insomnia, loss of appetite, and sadness. It is important during this phase that there is permission to feel and experience the emotions as they come, but to avoid negative behaviours that may be harmful to yourself or others.
It is important to speak with someone during this phase, be it a friend, family member, therapist, or other medical professional. No one will judge the feelings or emotions present, but rather allow you a space to process them openly.
Acceptance
Usually the final stage of grieving the loss of a pet, acceptance begins when the loss has been recognized and reality of the current situation begins to feel real. In reaching the acceptance stage, this does not mean your pet is now forgotten or that the ‘loss’ has ended. Continued processing of the grief is natural, but fond recollection of the time spent with them can be had as you move forward. Many have found that by finding ways to honour their pet, they are able to elicit positive reminders of the time that was spent together. People have found that pet loss journals have been a positive way to externalize their emotions surrounding their experienced grief as well.
During this phase it is important to continue being open with others in your support network and of course, be kind to yourself! Practicing self-compassion is an important part of this phase. Remind yourself that grief is a natural and normal response to loss, but by processing, speaking with others, and finding outlets to better move through the stages, less severe and prolonged grief is possible!
Acceptance and Letting Go Guided Meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YuOMmxbc9M
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Connecting with friends, family, and health professionals can support you through the stages. If you are seeking additional support while processing the loss of your pet , reach out to the Rebound Team! Together, we can create a compassionate space for healing and honouring the memories of your beloved pet.
References:
College of Veterinary Medicine. (2022, January 3). Stages of grieving. Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine. https://www.vet.cornell.edu/stages-grieving
Dignity Pet Crematorium. (2021, November 8). Coping with the 5 stages of grief after losing a pet. https://www.dignitypetcrem.co.uk/coping-with-the-5-stages-of-grief-after-losing-a-pet/
Hoggan, S., & TEDxTemecula. (2022, November 10). Pet loss grief; the Pain explained | Sarah Hoggan DVM | TEDxTemecula. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkJGhQANjZo
Osterweis, M., Solomon, F., & Green, M. (1984). Bereavement: Reactions, consequences and care. National Academy Press.
Robinson, L., & Segal, J. (2023, March 28). Coping with losing a pet. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-losing-a-pet.htm
Vara, H. & Thimm, J.C. (2020) Associations between self-compassion and complicated grief symptoms in bereaved individuals: An exploratory study, Nordic Psychology, 72:3, 235-247, DOI: 10.1080/19012276.2019.1684347