Learning to quit caring about what others think!

I’m sure it’s happened to all of us. We walk into a room and are bombarded with thoughts – “why is everyone looking at me? Do I look bad? Maybe I smell? No one is going to want to talk to me. I’m such a loser.”

These thoughts can become even more prominent even when we are not with people! Social media has granted us the opportunity to virtually connect with millions of people; however, that could also lead to an increased inclination to compare ourselves to others. When we post on Instagram, we may think, “why is no one liking my picture, I must be so unattractive, I wish I could look like this person instead, no one will ever like me.” Sound like you?

 It’s natural to care what people think about us. We are tribal creatures that crave social inclusion. However, this belief that people are always watching, critiquing, and judging our every move unfortunately creates massive anxiety. Most of the things that we think other people are thinking about us are made up in our own mind. Think about it – how many times has someone outwardly SAID those spiraling thoughts out loud to you? Has anyone ever told you you stink, you’re ugly or you don’t belong? Probably not. Therefore, it’s up to us train our minds to pull ourselves away from these unwarranted thoughts to bring us back to the present moment – the place where folks are perhaps not judging as harshly as we think in our mind.

The truth is, we will never truly know what people are thinking. 

Two people can experience the same situation and have different thoughts associated with the event. When we think negatively instead of rationally, it can lead to feelings of sadness, nervousness and insecurities. When we attach a certain idea (I.e. I know this person rejected me), it brings about certain feelings. This can cause us to avoid situations that may be similar in the future, ultimately affirming our thoughts to be true without any true justification. We the unknowingly agreed with the determinantal thoughts our mind is throwing at us, and trained our mind to avoid situations that cause these thoughts. Over time, our worlds can become smaller and smaller.

Our minds are not always our best friends. But, instead of believing all the thoughts we tell ourselves, let’s practice a mindfulness mindset that helps you to gain some distance between our thoughts and feelings. When we recognize that our thoughts are not facts, we can practice letting them go instead of taking them to heart. This allows us to strengthen present awareness to respond skillfully and think rationally to improve our mood and overall experiences.

This week, take one small step towards taming those thoughts:

Every time you have a negative thought, try stating “I am having the thought that __________.” Instead of saying “People think I’m ugly” we can state “ I am having the thought that people think I’m ugly.” This small exercise helps teach our minds that we are not our thoughts, and adds some distance between ourselves and our thougts.

Give it a shot, and let us know how it goes 🙂

Meet Laura, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) and author of this post!