What are Boundaries?
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines a boundary as “a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity” (APA, n.d.). Relationships can often struggle when boundaries are unclear, whether due to a lack of awareness of our boundaries or a failure to communicate them to others. Awareness and understanding of our boundaries is the essential first step to holding healthy boundaries to support our relationships.
Types of Boundaries & How to Identify Them
Material Boundaries:Â Material boundaries refer to your limits regarding using and sharing your physical possessions with others. Questions to ask yourself when setting material boundaries include: Am I okay with lending out my possessions? Are there particular possessions that I will not lend out? How do I determine which people are safe to share my possessions with? What are my limits in allowing access to possessions by others?
Physical Boundaries:Â Physical boundaries refer to your limits regarding your personal space and physical interaction with others. Questions to ask yourself when setting physical boundaries include: What is my distance threshold for others in my physical presence? What is my comfort level with greeting people? Am I comfortable with hugging or kissing when greeting others? When I encounter others with physical boundaries different from mine, what will I do to ensure comfort and safety?
Mental Boundaries:Â Mental boundaries refer to your limits regarding mental labour. Questions to ask yourself when determining your mental boundaries include: What do I believe in? Am I open to hearing or considering the opinions and beliefs of others? Am I comfortable standing up for my beliefs when necessary?
Emotional Boundaries:Â Emotional boundaries require you to take responsibility for your feelings and relinquish responsibility for those of others. To examine and set your emotional boundaries, you can ask yourself questions such as: Can I identify my feelings from those of others? Can I stay calm and level-headed when somebody else cannot? Can I refuse someone else’s request without feeling responsible or guilty for their reaction?
Sexual Boundaries:Â Sexual boundaries refer to your limits regarding physical interaction with others on a sexual level. Questions to ask yourself when determining your sexual boundaries include: Do I know my wants and preferences? Do I know how to effectively communicate them? Am I confident saying no? Am I confident in requesting changes?
Financial Boundaries:Â Financial boundaries are limits we set and how we manage our money independently and with others. Questions to ask yourself when determining your financial boundaries include: What am I comfortable spending money on? What are my budget allowances? How do I feel about borrowing money? How do I feel about lending money?
By examining these six types of boundaries and determining your limits, you’ll be well on your way to setting healthy limits for yourself within your relationships, allowing you to feel safe, secure, and confident within them.
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Boundary. In APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved September 11, 2023, from https://dictionary.apa.org/boundary
Schroeder, W. (2021). Starting the boundary dialogue. In Counseling Activities Workbook: Handouts and exercises for working with people. Achieve Publishing.